Revisions only – please read the paper that I wrote and provide feedback/minor edits

Help me study for my Writing class. I’m stuck and don’t understand.

Attached is a 6 page (double spaced) rough draft of my paper. The assignment was to use two theories from class to write an essay involving two articles from the New York Times. I have already done this! The rough draft is complete, but I could really use some help with the smaller editing and revisions.

Mainly, please 1) find any sources of passive voice and offer an alternative, 2) look for general edits that could be made (for example: word choice, typos, use of colons and semicolons, etc.) – of note is that it is supposed to be readable and understandable by an average high school student, so also look for anything that is too complicated. If something really doesn’t make sense, you can just highlight it and say that and I will go back and fix it.

Please don’t edit the actual content – I have confidence in the correctness of the information that I have written (no need to actually go through my references and read the sources). No need to check the formatting of the references, they’re fine as-is.

I’m just looking for some editing help/feedback, the same as you would offer to a friend that you are helping with a paper. That’s it! 🙂

Please either highlight all changes or leave them as comments (so that I know where they are and what was changed).


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